On Divorce

An anonymous psychologist/author once stated that for every year of marriage, it takes 6 months to heal to the point of establishing   a new, ‘healthy’ relationship. That would mean that a person, married for 10 years should wait for 5 years to date again. No one I know would do that, but then again, maybe that’s why ‘second’ marriages have a higher divorce rate than first-time marriages.

I say that healing is always individual, and depends on the person’s determination to accept their ownership of the failed marriage, as well as forgiving their ex-spouse. This may seem debatable, but there’s a saying that goes, ‘no matter how flat you make a pancake, there is always two sides’.

Personally, I believe a relationship with God was central for my own healing.  But moving on will only happen if and when, you make these three choices:

1) Admitting that you may have contributed to the failure of the marriage for reasons only you know.

2) Forgiving your ex-spouse for whatever they did to cause the failure

3) Most importantly, forgiving yourself for whatever you contributed to the failure, be it ever so small.

Until these three things occur, you may find yourself ‘stuck’, and unable to move on. So, release your failed marriage; let it go, as the song says. Because truthfully, God cannot put something new and wonderful into your hands, if they are still holding on to old stuff!

D Moeller

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